I'm feeling ok about not drinking still. Had a lot of trouble sleeping last night. Took a Benadryl at 9:30 pm since I didn't feel tired. Went to bed at 10pm and slept until 12:30am. Had to get up for a bit, drink some water, just try to relax. Alarm went off at 6:30, shut it down and slept until 7:30am.
Can't wait until this part passes and I can sleep regularly again. Funny how only drinking a few nights a week but drinking till you black out can affect you this much.
I felt the anxiety creeping in, that old familiar, oh my god I'm going to die feeling that makes me so uncomfortable. I would have a pain in my chest and start to freak out and in all actuality, it was probably just my damn bra being too tight but I was too lazy to take it off. Just kept telling my self to breath, and relax. At some point I finally fell back to sleep.
The dreams are the worst. I rarely remember most nights, but of course this morning I had one that just made me feel so awful. It was a mix of an old boyfriend from high school and my current one. It just made no sense whatsoever but had me a tad emotional when I woke up.
I know what the connection is between the two as well. Love. That was the first guy I ever fell in love with, and when he dumped me for someone else - I never let myself feel that again, until now. So that's a bit of an internal struggle for me.
My mind seems a little foggy, I feel a little "meh" but I know I can do this. I'm sure over the next few days things will start to clear up and I will start feeling much better. That's the point where I usually think, "Oh, I can have a drink, I've gone x days without one!" - Nope. not this time sister.
I know what my triggers are and I'm going to have to work on those: boredom, stress and being around people that drink. The being around people that drink is going to be the hardest. I live at the beach - everyone acts like they are on permanent vacation and drink all day on the beach. So, no beach for me this weekend!
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